When two of Britain’s most beloved actors, Henry Cavill and Simon Pegg, sit down to teach you English slang, you can be sure the results will be charming, cheeky, and downright hilarious. In this delightfully unscripted segment for Vanity Fair, the pair dives into the quirky, colorful world of British slang — complete with personal anecdotes, playful jabs, and the kind of dry wit only the Brits can deliver.

Opening Banter: Idiot Boxes and Quality Television
The video opens with introductions:

“Hello, I’m Simon Pegg.”
“Hello, I’m Henry Cavill. And we’re here today to teach you about English slang…”
The first term they dive into is “idiot box”, a slangy jab at the television.
Simon explains:

“The idiot box is the TV, because everything that’s on it is rubbish.”
Cavill chimes in playfully, defending the quality of shows like The Handmaid’s Tale, Westworld, and Billions. The two agree that while some shows may be less than stellar, there’s still plenty of good stuff on “the idiot box” — just don’t take it too seriously.

Twits, Argie-Bargie, and the Mighty Doofer
Next up, they tackle “twit”, which simply means a foolish person. It’s not too harsh — more affectionate than insulting. Then comes “argie-bargie”, a fantastically British term for a noisy quarrel or minor physical scuffle.

“It’s a bit of a growl, innit?” Simon laughs.
Then there’s the “doofer” — a term used when you can’t quite remember the name of an object.

“If I said to Henry, ‘Pass me the doofer,’ I don’t know what I’m going to get. It might be a remote control. It might be… anything.”
It’s British ambiguity at its best.

The Corker and the Dog’s Bollocks
The slang gets increasingly colorful. A “corker”, they explain, is something really impressive. And then comes perhaps the most British term of all:

“The dog’s bollocks.”
In case you’re not familiar, that’s actually a compliment.

“It means the best of the best,” Simon explains.
Henry adds: “If you see a dog with a really good pair… people do remark on them.”
They even offer up a few related terms like “the mutt’s nuts” and “the cat’s pajamas”, all meaning something top-notch — even if their origins are hilariously unclear.

Mustaches, Hard Cheese, and Spending a Penny
They move on to “the fuzz” — slang for the police, which Pegg notes comes from the U.S., referencing the big mustaches once worn by officers.
Then there’s “hard cheese”, which Cavill says means “tough luck” — as in, “Oh, you didn’t get the job? Hard cheese, mate.”

Another classic?

“Spend a penny” — a polite way to say you’re off to use the restroom.
This phrase harks back to when you had to literally insert a penny to access a public toilet stall.

Trousers, Damp Squibs, and Knowing Your Onions
Some terms are used more metaphorically. If someone is “all mouth and no trousers”, it means they talk big but don’t follow through — they’re all bark and no bite.
A “damp squib” is something that’s built up with anticipation but ends up underwhelming. Like a firework that fizzles instead of explodes.

One of the best compliments you can give someone?

“He knows his onions.”
Simon tells a sweet story about Henry listing Superman comic books on the Mission: Impossible set and how impressed he was by his co-star’s genuine knowledge of the lore.

Knobs, Pricks, and Other Penile Epithets
In one of the funniest moments, the pair unpacks the nuance between “knob”, “dick”, and “prick” — all slang terms for a penis, but used differently when aimed at people.

Simon: “If I said to Henry, ‘Stop being a knob,’ I wouldn’t expect him to be offended.”
“But if I called you a dick — well, that’s more serious.”
They explain that “knob” can actually be used affectionately, whereas “prick” and “dick” are more overtly rude.

Ending on a Load of Old Tosh
The final slang term is “tosh”, which means nonsense or rubbish.

“It’s not to be confused with -tush,” Simon adds jokingly.
With a final laugh, the two thank viewers for watching and hope they’ve added a few new phrases to everyone’s English vocabulary.

“You say you speak English,” Cavill jokes, “but you don’t — not yet.”

Conclusion: British Slang Never Sounded So Classy
From witty banter to colorful phrases, Henry Cavill and Simon Pegg manage to turn a slang lesson into a masterclass in charm and comedy. Whether you’re trying to decode a British pub conversation or just want to impress your mates, these two have armed you with everything from argie-bargie to spend a penny.

Top takeaway? Next time you hear someone say “the dog’s bollocks,” remember — it’s a compliment.

Would you like a version of this written in British English as well?